Peeping Tom, Shroy Tuvok ~ part viii
 
 
 
Part IX ~ Kathryn

Today it's him who is giving the silent treatment.  It was me, not so long ago...  Has it only been three days?  It seems like it's been an eternity.  We sit side by side, frozen, both staring at the viewscreen, only speaking when absolutely necessary.  I'm keenly aware of the silence:  even the crewmen and ensigns aren't gossiping as is their wont.  It's as if someone has died and they're all in mourning.  What could have caused this?

I cross my legs, adjusting my position just enough for me to watch Chakotay without actually looking at him.  His face is expressionless, but I can see the tension playing across his features.  He would know of course, but I also know that my own actions are what caused his silence.  I don't want to be the one to break that silence.  But this is my crew:  if something is wrong I need to know so that I can find a solution.  Discussing the crew's unease seems to be necessary to that end.

"Chakotay:"  I've turned towards him, leaning closer.

"Yes, Captain?" he asks quietly, voice strained.

"I couldn't help but notice that the crew seems to be a bit... subdued... this morning."  I try to judge his reaction, but he remains silent.  "I know that you're closer to the crew than I am," I finally continue.  "I was wondering if you have any insight on the subject."

He finally turns to look at me, and I pull back a little.  Our eyes lock, and he stares at me for a long moment.  I don't know what he's thinking or feeling:  he's never done this before.  He turns away, still silent.

"Of course," he replies at last.

"Of course you want to talk about it or of course you know?" I ask, a bit perturbed.

"Both," he's staring straight ahead, though I don't know why.  There's absolutely nothing going on up there:  why can't he just look at me and carry on a normal conversation?

"Oh," I finally manage.  I don't know what else to say.  He turns back to me, and we stare at each other for a few more moments.  Then he finally seems to realize that I'm not going to say anything further:

"Permission to speak to the Captain privately," he ventures.  At first I don't understand, but then he glances toward the conn, and I suddenly realize that he wasn't looking at the viewscreen, but was judging Paris' reaction to our conversation.  I glance back toward Ops, and catch Mr. Kim watching us; he quickly turns back to his console and tries to look busy.  I look back to Chakotay:

"Granted."
 
 
 

"Can I get you anything?" I ask, already approaching the replicator.  I turn to face him:

"No, nothing," he replies, hands behind his back.  I turn back to the console:

"Coffee, black," I order.  The cup shimmers into existence and I pick it up.  "Have a seat," I offer before taking a sip of the hot beverage.

"I prefer to stand," he replies, looking first at the empty chair and then back to me.  "You said that you wanted to discuss the crew."  I lower my cup, place a hand on my hip:

"Yes," I pause:  "Considering our narrow brush with death, I expected morale to be high, but instead it's at an all time low."  I take another sip of my coffee, then move across the room toward my desk.  Chakotay's gaze follows me as he replies:

"I don't think that the crew's reaction is strange, only your perception of it."  I've just reached my desk, and turn to face him:

"What does that mean?"

"I saw the crew before you did this morning," he replies.  "Morale seemed to be fine."  I sit down on the edge of my desk:

"So what caused it to change?"  Chakotay sighs, taking a step forward and placing his hands on the back of the empty chair that's between us.  I can see that he's stalling.  Finally, he lifts his head to reply:

"You did."

"I did?" I set my cup down.  "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You ignored me this morning in the mess hall," he answers matter-of-factly.  I lift an eyebrow, shaking my head:

"I can understand why you would be mad at me, Chakotay, but what does that have to do with the crew?"  Chakotay laughs, but there isn't any humor behind it.  He stops when he sees my confusion:

"You really don't realize, do you?" he asks, incredulous.  I cross my arms:

"What?"

"How the crew watches us."

"Of course they do, Chakotay," I lift my hands.  "We're the two highest ranking officers on Voyager."  I cross my arms again.

"True, but that's not what I meant."  I watch him as he steps around the chair, weighing his words carefully.  "They watch us wherever we go, whether we're on duty or not.  They know when we have dinner in your quarters...  They see us together on the holodeck.  They even notice when we spend shore leave together."

"I don't see what you're getting at," I return carefully.  Chakotay takes a step closer:

"The mess hall was full of people today," he notes.

"The crew has to eat breakfast," I shake my head:  he's still not making any sense.  He looks at the floor for a moment, shaking his head, lifting a hand to pull on his ear.  He lifts his head, his gaze meeting my own:

"That's not why they were there," he tells me.  I suddenly realize what he's trying to say, am stunned by it, but he's already stating the very thing I want to deny:  "They were there to watch us, Kathryn."

"You can't be serious..." I stand, pacing.  "You think that after all this time the crew still thinks that we should have that kind of a relationship?"  I turn to face him:  "That's insane!"

"Is it?" he asks calmly.

"Don't flatter yourself," I retort, angry that he'd say any of this, that he's so calm about it, as if it were true.  "After all these years, the crew could care less..."

"You're wrong, Kathryn," he cuts me off, closing the distance between us:  "The crew cares about our happiness.  They don't just want us to be happy, they want us to be happy together.  Just because you've been fighting it all this time doesn't mean that they are."  I hit my communicator, turning away from him, moving back toward my desk:

"Janeway to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here."

"Inform the crew that I will be making an announcement in five minutes."

"Acknowledged, Captain."

"Janeway out," I hit my communicator again.

"What are you doing?" the first officer asks.  I turn to face him, glaring at him.

"I'm putting an end to this, once an for all..."

"All hands: this is Lieutenant Commander Tuvok," the Vulcan's comm voice interrupts.  I fall silent as Tuvok continues: "The Captain will be making an announcement in five minutes:  stand ready.  Bridge out."

I only glanced away for a moment, but it was long enough.  I turn back to the first officer and I can see it in his eyes.  Suddenly his expression is no longer one of disbelief:  it's changed to something much more dangerous.  I step back, desperately needing to get away, but my desk is there, causing me to lose my balance.  My knees give out, and suddenly I'm sitting on the edge of it once more.  I desperately want to run, but he's already standing before me, preventing any escape:

"What do you think you're doing?" I demand, but I already know. I've never seen this in his eyes, but I've seen it in other men's, and seeing it in the first officer's terrifies me.

I pull back, but there's no escape.  He leans down, closing the distance between us.  And suddenly I'm too stunned to think about anything but Chakotay's lips on my own.  Those incredible lips that I've daydreamed about way too many times.  I expected his mouth to demand mine, but it doesn't; it caresses mine gently, not forcing itself upon me.  Every millimeter of my skin is on fire, and I am lost.  I find myself kissing Chakotay back.

I slap the first officer.  He pulls back, stunned, and I dash past him, taking advantage of my first opportunity to escape.  My chest heaves, and I gasp for air, trying to force myself to forget how good...  I can't believe how good...

But I can't, I mustn't.  Chakotay turns to face me, and I slowly back away from him, my eyes locked on his lips.  Oh, those lips...  Stop it, Kathryn, you're a Starfleet captain, not some lovesick cadet.  I have to stop this; this can't be happening to me.  I need to get myself under control; I need to get this situation back under control.  I swallow, hope that my voice won't betray me as soon as I open my mouth:

"Janeway to Tuvok..."

"I love you, Kathryn," Chakotay cuts me off.

"You are out of line," I state icily, still facing him.  I'm not about turn my back on him now.

"Why, because it's the truth?  I almost let you die without telling you, but I'm not going to make that mistake again.  I love you."

"How dare you."  The first officer is approaching me again.  I want to flee, to get as far away from him as possible, but I'm frozen.  All I can manage is to stumble backwards, but once again I'm trapped.  All that my back finds is a wall, and he still comes closer, not stopping until we are face to face, our bodies only centimeters apart.  "Let me go," I order him, Captain's voice and all, but he only shakes his head:

"I'm never letting you go again," he leans down to kiss me again.  I push him away, lift my hand to slap him again, but he catches my wrist. "Did you hear me, Kathryn Janeway?" the first officer asks me.  He pauses, his eyes searching my own: "I love you."

I know what is going to happen next, fight it, try to push him away again, but his body is already firmly pressed against mine, pinning me to the bulkhead.  His lips claim mine again, and I place my hands on his chest, desperately trying to push him away.  His tongue pushes itself into my mouth, and I am stunned.  It temporarily paralyzes me, but then I begin to fight him with a renewed urgency, desperately struggling to get away.

But I can't.  Despite every attempt, there's no way that I will ever escape his strong arms.  He has lifted me off the floor, pinned me so that I can't even run or kick myself free, and all the while his mouth is working its magic.  His tongue dueling with mine, his lips gently yet firmly pressed against my own, forcing my objections to be silenced.

Suddenly, the battle is not without, but within. I've never been kissed like this before, and it's intoxicating.  I know that I shouldn't be letting him kiss me, know that he should be court martialed for this, but I'm spinning out of control.  I stop struggling and relax, allowing him to hold me.  My hands drop to my sides, and I press my hands against the wall, fingers spread, not wanting him to know that he's won but desperately wanting to be able to hold onto something.  I'm running out oxygen, I feel dizzy, but I don't want him to ever stop.

Chakotay pulls away, allowing me to gasp for air.  Our chests heave in unison, and I allow my head to fall back, eyes closed.  We are both silent for what seems like forever, but in reality is only a matter of seconds.  He lowers my feet to the ground, and I lift my head, open my eyes.  I can see the regret in his face; he hadn't meant to go so far, and I know that he's about to pull away.  I can't let that happen.

I slide my hand around the back of his neck, pulling his lips back to mine.  This time I kiss him, allowing myself to drink of him fully, trying to give him a little of what he's given me.  He comes willingly, and we cling to each other at last, allowing each other these few moments of bliss.  At last I gently pull away, allowing myself to run my thumb across his lower lip.  His eyes meet mine, and I can see that he's surprised yet overjoyed all at once.  We're both drained of passion yet overflowing with more than I knew was possible.  I struggle to find my voice:

"I love you, Chakotay."  My voice is barely above a whisper, so soft that I'm not sure that he heard me.  I take a deep breath, then lift my voice again:  "I love you."  He backs up a little, giving me room to move away from the wall, to leave if I want to, but I go with him.  I'm never going to let him go again.

"Captain," Tuvok's comm voice startles me.  The blood drains from Chakotay's face, and we both stand in silence for several long seconds.

"Yes, Tuvok?" I finally ask.

"Your communication has been put through to the entire ship."  I close my eyes, wondering if the entire ship heard us, or if it was only the bridge crew.  I open my eyes and look up to my first officer.  Chakotay smiles shyly, then lifts a hand to tug on his ear, embarrassed.  Suddenly I don't care who heard.

"This is the Captain," I smile, my eyes linked to the ones that belong to the man I love.  "The Commander and I have decided that it is in this ship's best interests that we maintain crew morale."  I pause:  "To that end, the Commander and I have decided to pursue a romantic relationship..."

I'm cut off by the crew.  They're cheering; clapping and shouting so fervently that I can even hear the bridge crew through the bulkhead.  I continue, and the crew manages to quiet itself a little:  "Thank you all for your concern and support, and we hope that this will benefit the entire crew in the long run."  I'm trying hard not to laugh as I see Chakotay's expression.  "That will be all:  Janeway out."
 
 
 

Chakotay steps past me, returning to his seat, and we sit down in unison.  He smiles at me, a grin reminiscent of the ones he used to give freely, before he had lost hope of our ever being together.  I give him a small smile in return, then turn to face the viewscreen, ready to get back to business.

"Mr. Paris," the Lieutenant turns away from his console at my voice, fully facing me.

"Yes, ma'am?" he returns, a smile plastered onto his face.  I do not return the sentiment, but reply sternly:

"Report to Engineering tomorrow morning at 0600 hours."

"Captain?" his smile fades as his expression changes into one of confusion.

"Your wife has some plasma manifolds for you to scrub," I reply.  "You'll be spending the next two weeks performing important maintenance duty.  Oh, and the Doctor requested that you be assigned to Sickbay during that time as well, so you'll be pulling double shifts."

"Captain..."

"Don't ask why, Lieutenant," I interrupt him, pausing for effect:  "I think you know."  I break eye contact, my gaze turning to the viewscreen, as if I am dismissing him:  "Return to your duties, Mr. Paris."

Tom turns back to his console, and I can see that he still hasn't realized why he seems to have incurred the wrath of Janeway.  I allow myself to smile, but my captain's voice remains in place as I continue:  "By the way, Lieutenant, I expect you to return the recording you made this morning when you hacked into the ready room security systems."

He turns back to me in surprise, but my smile has already been replaced by a look of stern reproach so that he cannot see my barely contained glee.  "You will turn all of the data over to Commander Chakotay without making any copies, have I made myself clear?" I finish.  He nods solemnly:

"Yes, Ma'am."  He turns back toward his console, but pauses halfway:  "How did you know, if you don't mind myself asking?"  I let him squirm for a few moments before answering.

"I'm the Captain," I finally respond.  "I know everything."  Tom stares, trying to figure out how serious I am, and I finally allow the corner of my mouth to lift, breaking into a smile.  He smiles back:

"Understood, Captain," Tom turns back to his duties, and I turn back to the viewscreen.  I watch the stars as they streak past, my thoughts resting on that recording and how much Chakotay will torment me with it at dinner tonight.  I can feel him reach over the console that is between us, his hand gently taking mine in his own.  I turn to my first officer, and return his gentle smile of joy.  Our fingers mesh together, and we turn back to the viewscreen, our hands still linked.  I still smile:  somehow, Earth doesn't seem quite so far away today.  I'm already halfway home.
 
 
 
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