by K.N. Senko

Disclaimer:  Paramount and Viacom own Star Trek (oh the pain, the pain):  they would never inflict this kind of pain on Captain Janeway and her crew.

Note:  After i write and post a story, i try to leave it alone.  Even if i read it later and see ways that i would now do it differently, i feel that i should remain true to who i was at the time and the decisions i made then.

Day 8 refused to be left alone.  I had hurried to post it, and though at the time it seemed complete, i later realized that it was short and didn't really get across everything that i wanted to say.  I didn't have any idea how to build Day 9 off of it because it felt incomplete itself.

In an unprecedented fashion, i have almost completely rewritten Day 8.  The new one has more events and i believe that is more effective in its portrayal of the Janeway/Chakotay relationship.  It has changed to become, by far, the longest part in my 9 Days series.

Anyone can still read the old Day 8, but Day 9 has been written with the facts of this new version in mind.  I hope that you enjoy reading the story.

The morning breakfast bell woke Kathryn, but she resisted the thought of waking so early.  She turned over to face the wall, pulling her blanket over her head.  That was when she heard shuffling footsteps and a door closing.  In the next room, someone turned on the water.  Her eyes opened and she sighed:  so much for trying to get any more sleep.  She sat up and slid her feet out from under the covers.

She had expected cold floor to great her toes, but instead she found a pile of blankets.  B’Elanna’s bed had been stripped, someone having had taken the pillow and blanket.  Tom and B’Elanna had slept elsewhere the night before, so she was more than a little curious as to who had slept on the floor (and why when a bed was available).  It wasn’t long before her question was answered.

"Commander Chakotay chose to sleep on the floor."  Kathryn turned to find Seven standing in the doorway to the bathroom, hands behind her back.

"I fell asleep at the mess hall.”

"Correct."  Kathryn rubbed her eyes, trying to wake up:

"How is he?" she asked.

"I did not speak to him:  why?"

"We had an argument."

"It was not the first," Seven's tone suggested that she was angry.

“No,” Kathryn replied, “But it might be the last.”

“Explain,” Seven returned abruptly.

“I’m not sure I can, Seven,” she answered softly.  “There’s so many people’s happiness at stake besides our own.”  She paused:  “I’m just not sure that our love is strong enough.”

“Perhaps you should discuss the situation with the Commander,” Seven suggested:  “Explain your reasons for hesitancy.”  Kathryn shook her head:

“I’m not sure that I can.”
 
 
 

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” she stated simply, without pausing.  Seven followed her as she continued across the room.  She saw a table on the opposite side of the room with a couple of extra seats...

“You care for the Commander deeply,” Seven noted.  “You must resolve the situation.”  Kathryn’s patience was starting to wear thin.

“Seven, I don’t think that this is any or your business.”  She set her tray down and seated herself as soon as they reached her destination.  The crewmembers at the other end of the table took one look at her, then gathered their trays and left.  Seven, on the other hand, wasn’t deterred:

"I disagree," Seven stated.  "Your relationship with Commander Chakotay effects the entire crew, and neither we or your child will benefit from the leadership of two disconnected individuals." Seven paused:  "Refusal to reconcile is inefficient:  a captain and first officer must learn how to solve their disagreements peacefully."

"Which is exactly why I had decided to keep our relationship strictly professional," Kathryn replied.

"Ignoring your feelings for the Commander will not resolve the issue," Seven returned.

"I disagree," Janeway stated firmly.  She paused:  "I'm sorry that I allowed to let it get this far."

Seven slammed down her tray, then grabbed Kathryn’s.  “Seven...” her Captain’s voice did not phase the ex-Borg drone in the slightest.  The younger woman was already walking across the room purposefully and attracting a lot of attention:  most of the crew was staring.

Kathryn sighed, pushed herself to her feet, and hurried to catch up with the younger woman, which would have been easy enough had she not been pregnant; Seven was a good three inches taller, but she had never had trouble keeping up with her before.

Seven stopped in front of Commander Chakotay and placed the tray across the table from him.  It was at this moment that Kathryn finally caught up with her:  “What do you think you’re doing?!?” she tried to keep her voice lowered, fully aware that every eye in the room was now on her.

“Sit,” Seven pointed.

“I do not take orders from you...”  Seven grabbed her by the arms and moved her toward the seat, forcing her to sit down:  “Comply,” she said firmly.

“Seven...” Chakotay started to stand up, but found Tuvok’s hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stay seated:

“I suggest that you cease any attempts at opposition, Commander,” the Vulcan stated.

“Tuvok?” Kathryn turned to face him, trying to appeal to her friend, but he raised a finger, indicating that she wasn’t to speak:

“Resistance is futile,” he replied before she could object further.  Seven raised an eyebrow in approval, then moved to the head of the table, where both of her superior officers could see her:

“Neither of you will leave this table until you have ‘kissed and made up’.”

“This isn’t going to work, Seven,” Kathryn stated.

“Really?” she asked, her voice still defiant.

“The Commander and I simply have too many differences...”

“I disagree, Captain.  On the contrary, your differences only serve to compliment one another.  Lieutenants Paris and Torres have had many arguments in their tumultuous relationship, and I have wondered on more than one occasion if they would be successful in moving past their differences.  My observations, however, have revealed that their love does not subside because of such disagreements, rather, it grows stronger.

“I believe that in the past you and Commander Chakotay have displayed that you have a similar relationship, and I find it unacceptable that you have abandoned all that you have worked toward together over the past six years.  None of the individuals involved will benefit from your separation,” Seven paused.  “This situation must be resolved or we will never be successful in leaving this planet.”

Kathryn realized that her mouth was hanging open and forced the muscles in her jaw to close it.  Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged a look of helplessness.  Seven put her hands behind her back:  “Begin now,” she ordered.

Kathryn glanced at the people at the next table who were blatantly staring, then looked to her plate, embarrassed.  Seven looked to the crew:  “Resume your consumption of the provided nutritional supplements.”  Suddenly, everyone was looking the other way, resuming their forgotten conversations with new vigor, though it was almost certain that they had found a new topic to discuss.  Seven nodded to Voyager’s command team:  “Enjoy your meal.”  She turned to retrieve her own tray, but paused before she left:  “I will be nearby.”
 
 
 

“Did you sleep well?” he asked softly.  She shook her head soberly, placing her hand on her round tummy and rubbing the life she held within:

“He won’t let me.”

“Oh,” he replied lamely.

"I heard that you slept on the floor," she ventured.  He nodded, his eyes not meeting hers.  "Why?"

"Why not?" he shrugged.

"You didn't have to."

"Yes:  I did," he answered more harshly than he had intended.  His anger melted when he lifted his gaze, saw the pain in her eyes for the first time:  "I didn't want to leave you," he told her softly.  "I'm worried about you, Kathryn."

"Chakotay..." she reached out to take his hand.  The bell started ringing before she could continue.  Chakotay glanced at his half-finished meal, then back to Kathryn:

“Can we talk later?”

“I’d like that,” she answered softly.  He nodded his goodbye, and turned to leave, only to find himself face to face with Seven.

“Do I have permission to leave, sir?” he asked soberly, half serious.  Seven lifted an eyebrow:

“You have yet to kiss the Captain.”  Chakotay almost smiled at this, and circled the table to stand next to Kathryn.  She lifted her eyes to meet his, and he leaned down:  first to kiss her quickly on the lips, then to give her a hug.  He turned back to Seven, who nodded her approval:  “Dismissed.”
 
 
 

“We’re doing fine, thank you,” she replied.  Talitha took her hand, and she heard the familiar hiss of a hypospray moments later.

“I’m giving you a slightly larger injection today, Kathryn,” Talitha laid the hypospray down and picked up a scanner.

“Is anything wrong?” there wasn’t any worry in her voice.  She had found this pregnancy remarkably easy, particularly considering how fast it was going.  Personally, Kathryn didn’t know what the fuss her fellow mothers-to-be were making was about.  She was farther along than any of them, and she couldn’t remember having ever felt better in her life.  She tired more easily, but that was mostly because she hadn’t gotten much sleep.  Her child was very active, and didn’t seem to like for her to lie down.  It was a mixed blessing:  she loved feeling him move within her, and she wouldn’t give up one moment of this experience.

“No, I just want to be sure that your baby’s lungs are fully developed before you go into labor.  I don’t think that will be a problem.”  She closed the scanner:  “Your baby has already turned, and is developing according to schedule.  Unless there are any unexpected difficulties, you won’t have to see me until your child is born.”  Kathryn noticed the knowing look in Talitha’s eyes.  “You’re finished,” she noted.  “Next!”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Kathryn eased off the biobed and moved toward the exit.
 
 
 

More than that, he found that he was eager to see Kathryn.  He didn’t like being out of her good graces, and was hoping that they could find some way to compromise.  The fact that his son (or--he was forced to admit--daughter) would be born within days only made it seem more urgent:  that and the impending attempt to escape.

Chakotay got his food, then pushed through the aisles, his eyes searching for Kathryn and a place to sit down.

"Chakotay! Over here!" Tom waved.  Chakotay nodded his acknowledgement and started to push through the crowd.  That's when he saw Kathryn.  She was standing between Seven and B'Elanna, smiling.  As he approached her realized that Neelix was standing behind Tom and was holding something:

"The workmanship is exquisite, Captain!" the Talaxian raved.  He clutched the baby blanket:  she had finished it.

"I don't know if I'd go that far, Neelix."  That was his Kathryn:  always modest.  She smiled at him, but the moment was over all too soon:

"Look at this, Chakotay, isn't it cute?" B'Elanna held out a baby sweater.  He set down his tray, then took the small piece of clothing.  He recognized the same pale blue yarn that she had used on her first project.  He marveled at how tiny and how delicate the soft garment was in his rough hands, hardened by the work he had been doing in the fields.

Suddenly he realized that his hands were still dusty from his work.  He felt ashamed by the realization that he had soiled the very thing that Kathryn had worked so hard on.  He gave the sweater to Kathryn:

“I'm sorry,” he apologized.  “I got it dirty.”

"It's alright, Chakotay," she answered.  “It will wash out.”  No one spoke for a long moment, until Tom finally cleared his throat:

“Well,” he stated:  “I’d better be getting myself some food if I want to eat something before dinner.”  He pushed past Chakotay.

“I’ll go with you,” B’Elanna followed her husband.  Neelix handed Kathryn her blanket:

“I should go see what the children are getting into,” he excused himself, the paused:  “Keep up the good work, Captain.”  He left quickly, which left Kathryn, Seven, and himself.  Seven turned to them both:

“Enjoy your meal,” she pronounced.  He watched her go, the turned to face Kathryn, uncertain what to do or say.  He wondered if they would stand there forever if he didn’t say something soon.

It was Kathryn who made the first move.  She approached him, silent, and then hugged him tightly.  Then she let go and moved to sit down.  Realizing that it must be hard for her to sit at one of these benches, he offered her a hand for support, but she didn’t take it.  He wasn’t offended by it:  it was totally like Kathryn to want to be as independent as possible, even now.

"How are you doing?" he sat down beside her.

“We’re fine,” she assured him.  They sat in silence for a few moments.

“About last night...” he began.

“Please don’t, Chakotay,” she implored him.  He turned to look at her:

“I love you, Kathryn,” he confessed.  “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”  She turned to face him, tears in her eyes:

“Yes, but for how long?”  He rose to his feet in anger, fully intending to leave.  Kathryn grabbed his arm, clung to him, trying to pull him back to her side:  “Please don’t go,” she begged.  “Please don’t...”  He sat down stiffly, and Kathryn let go of him.  She lowered her head, trying to stop the tears that were starting to run down her cheeks.  His anger melted when he saw her them:  he couldn't stay angry with her.

“Kathryn, I...” he didn’t know what to say.  He put his arm around her, and she melted into his embrace:

“Promise that you’ll never leave me,” her voice was barely above a whisper.  “I need you...  I need you so very much...”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kathryn.”

“But what if...”  He pulled back slightly so that he could look into her eyes:

“We can’t dwell on the ‘what ifs,’ Kathryn,” he told her softly yet firmly.  “Our child needs to have a father and a mother, and I will not let you down, I will not leave you.”

“You don’t know that,” she shook her head.  “You could die on an away mission, in a battle,” she paused:  “I might have to send you...”

“You’re right,” he cut her off.  “We don’t know:  either of us could die tomorrow.  But wouldn’t you rather have as much time with me as possible than to never take a chance and discover that we’d be happy together?  You’d rather live apart, let me die alone, and leave you wondering what could have been?”

The bell started to ring.  It occurred to him that each meal seemed to be growing shorter and shorter.  He wished that he and Kathryn had more time to discuss this, but he didn’t know what else he could say to convince her.  Chakotay stood, hesitated:  “I should go,” he finally managed.  He threw his napkin onto his plate, turning to leave.

“Chakotay...” her voice made him stop.  He turned, and she was immedietely in his arms.  Her head was on his shoulder, her arms locked around him so tight that the wind was knocked out of him.  He gently pulled his arms around her, returning her hug.

“I love you, Kathryn,” he stated firmly:  “Nothing will ever change that.”  She pulled back slowly, hesitantly:

“I could never love you enough,” she shook her head.  He lifted a hand to caress her cheek:

“Let me be the judge of that,” he returned.  He kissed her quickly:  “Please, just think about what I’ve said.”  She nodded her agreement.  “I’ll see you tonight.”
 
 
 

She knew what she wanted... had wanted for years now.  She had never allowed herself to hope before, perhaps had been too afraid to.  Only a week ago her dreams of marrying, having children, raising a family, had seemed so far away.  But carrying Chakotay’s child had changed everything:  things would never be the way that they once were.  Voyager's crew would be forced to change, especially her.  Captaining a ship of Starfleet officers and Maquis who had chosen a dangerous life in space was vastly different than commanding one with children aboard to nurture and protect.

She considered what Tuvok had said about the crew accepting her relationship with Chakotay.  She wondered how they would feel seeing her and Chakotay as husband and wife.  She wondered how Chakotay would feel were she to turn him down again, if he would still be able to serve as her first officer were she to crush him that way.  If he were to leave because she said no, could she still function without him?  The nature of their relationship had changed so much over the past few days.

In the back of her mind she knew that whatever decision she made, there would be no turning back.  She had to know that the decision she made was the right one, that she would have no regrets.  When she thought of it that way, it wasn’t a hard choice to make:  her heart was certain, it was her Starfleet-issue Captain’s persona that was getting in the way.  If she didn’t follow her heart, she would never be able to live with herself.  All she could do now is hope that she had made the right choice after all.
 
 
 

A part of him could understand her fears.  She had lost her father and a fiance who were Starfleet officers.  Her second fiance had married another after Voyager had been thrown into the Delta Quadrant.  She didn’t seem to have good luck when it came to men.  But, then again, all of that had happened before she had ever met him.  All he wanted was to spend the rest of his life loving her, protecting her, helping her in any way that he could...  He wanted to be her no-longer-angry warrior forever.

Tom and Harry were performing the same work as him only meters away.  The two friends’ familiar banter was one of the only comforts in his task.  That and the fact that tomorrow would be the last day they would be working on this planet at all.  He longed for the comfort of his own bed almost as much as he longed to be in Kathryn’s embrace every night.

Chakotay was suddenly pulled from his reverie.  Somehow, his hand found its way into his pocket instead of the sack that was slung over his shoulder.  He stopped, pausing to retrieve the weed, but found something else in his pocket as well.  Chakotay pulled out a little blue bootie, knit in the same pattern as the sweater Kathryn had made.  He wondered how Kathryn had found the time to slip that into his pocket, or if it had just been an accident.

He was about to tuck the bootie away again when something caught his eye:  a piece of paper was tucked inside.  He pulled it out, unfolded the small square.  There, written in a simple, neat cursive with careful loops and controlled arcs was written one word...  "shmily"

He wondered what it meant.  He had never heard of such a word before.  He recognized it as Kathryn’s handwriting, though he had only seen her penmanship once or twice before.  What had possessed her to put the note there?  Had she meant for him to see it?

His attention was pulled away from the note when he heard a noise overhead.  He looked up, shielding his eyes, and a shadow fell across his face.  It was a shuttle:  one of the ones that had brought the crew to the camp.  He wondered where it was being taken, but it was immedietely put out of his mind when the bell started to ring.

He folded the note back in the bootie and pocketed them, standing.  He brushed his knees off, eager to see Kathryn, but hesitant:  he still didn’t know what her decision would be.  But he was glad that it was time for dinner.  It had been a long day, and he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before.  He was looking forward to being back in a bed tonight.
 
 
 

“Scoot over, watch out, pregnant woman coming through!” B’Elanna pushed through several crewmen and unceremoniously set two trays down on the table.  She plopped down next to Kathryn:  “Captain, Chakotay...  Oh, could I have some of that?”  Chakotay’s eyebrows rose:

“Help yourself,” he pushed his plate towards her, and she quickly scooped most of the casserole in question onto her own plate.

“Thanks,” she dug in.  “Tom got the last helping.”  Kathryn wiped her mouth:

“Mm, B’Elanna, don’t eat that,” she pointed to a red vegetable.

“Why, is it bad?”

“Trust me, you’ll feel better if you don’t.”

“Oh, thanks.  What about that one?”

“Oh, that one’s great.”

“You ladies alright?” Chakotay asked.  Both of them looked to him:

“Fine, why?” Kathryn asked.  She shot him a weird look, then turned back to B’Elanna, who was already moving on.

“Did you see the dessert?” she asked, incredulous.

“Oh, what I wouldn’t give for some coffee ice cream.”

“Tell me about it,” B’Elanna replied.  “If I have to eat another bowl of their Jello I’m going to be sick.  I would kill for chocolate.  Any weird cravings?”

“Chicken Chow Mein:  that and the Caramel Brownies my mother used to always make.”

“Oh, you’re lucky.  Last night I couldn’t stop thinking about a plate of gagh:  normally, I hate the stuff…”

“…but last night you suddenly couldn’t stop thinking devoring some?”

"Yes!"

“What do those three foods have to do with each other?” Chakotay suddenly asked.

“Nothing,” Kathryn answered.  “We’re pregnant, Chakotay:  our cravings don’t have to make any sense.”  B’Elanna snorted, then turned just as Tom and Harry were arriving moments later.  Tom was holding a tray with about a dozen glasses of water.

“Oh, Tom,” B’Elanna kissed him as he sat down:  “You didn’t have to.”

“Believe me, I did.”  B’Elanna’s insatiable thirst hadn’t waned over the past couple of days.  Tom had spent many trips to the drink dispenser during their stay.

“Is this because I called you a pig?” she asked.

“You might say that,” he noted.  “Looks like you found someone who was willing to make a donation.”

“Yes, well, I think that Chakotay is getting queasy.”

“Good evening!” Neelix greeted.  Moments later, the entire senior staff had descended upon the table.  Harry looked a mite miserable at the other end of the bench that Kathryn and B’Elanna were sitting on, having been force to sit a bit close to the edge.  B’Elanna had kept nudging Tom until there had been plenty of elbowroom for her and Kathryn with more to spare.  Chakotay was glad that he had sat down across from Kathryn.

As soon as everyone had finished eating, Kathryn and B’Elanna passed out the aforementioned Jello.  Kathryn then asked Seven to report first on her findings.

“I have translated most of the tricorder’s data,” Seven began.  “According to my data, we can effectively destroy the camp’s forcefield network by causing a power overload in several key systems.  After that we will be able to leave the compound with little difficulty.”

"Voyager is in orbit of this planet’s largest moon,” Paris continued where Seven had left off.  “It shouldn’t be too hard to get us there after we leave the surface.”

“What’s her status?” Kathryn asked.

“All weapons systems appear to be fully functional,” Tuvok noted.  “A minor adjustment to the ship’s shield modulation should be sufficient in repelling any further abductions of the crew.”  He paused:  “I will be able to make the adjustments in under two minutes:  however, their weapons will still be of significant enough effect that we will sustain some minor damage if we are attacked.”

“Propulsion?”

“Everything appears to be fully in tact,” B’Elanna answered.  “There’s no hull damage and the inertial dampeners, impulse engines, and thruster generators are all functioning within normal perameters.  The only key system that appears to be offline is the warp drive.”

“What about the holosystems?” Chakotay asked.  Kathryn turned at his question, and his eyes met hers for a moment.

“The holographic systems appear to have been taken disabled,” Harry answered solemnly.  “All of the holo-emitters and programs are offline, including the Doctor.  Unfortunately, there’s no way that we can know how long it will take to bring those systems back online until we get to Voyager.  I’d say that we’re looking at at least five hours of work, maybe more.”  The silence was almost tangible, but Kathryn recovered her voice within record time:

“B’Elanna, how long will it take to fix the warp core?” she asked smoothly, pulling her staff out of their reverie.

“Half an hour at most,” she replied.  “Shorter if I have a team to help me...”

"Excuse me, Captain..."  Chakotay was suddenly aware of the young woman that was standing at the end of the table.  She was a Starfleet member of Voyager's crew, and he didn't recall her name.

"What is it, Celes?" Kathryn asked gently.  Celes:  that was the name of the young woman who had gone on Kathryn's "lost sheep" mission aboard the Delta Flyer.

"I’m sorry to interrupt, but the shuttles…" the young woman swallowed nervously:  "they're all leaving."

"What did she say?" Neelix asked.

"All but one of the shuttles have left the camp."

“I was afraid of that,” Harry stated:  “when we saw that one this afternoon...”

“There’s nothing we can do about it now, Ensign,” Kathryn stated quietly.  Tom, however, didn’t deal with it as gracefully:

"With only one shuttle there's no way that the entire crew is going to be able to get off the surface," he lamented.

"An interesting observation, Ensign," Tuvok remarked.  "That is most likely the very reason that the shuttles have been removed."

"The shuttles can't hold more than twenty people at once, Captain," Chakotay turned to her.  "Maybe twenty-five, but I doubt it."  His eyes met her own, wanting to lend her strength.  He knew that she was worried, didn’t want her to have to face this alone. "Then we're going to have to find another way off the planet,” Kathryn finally found her voice.  “Thank you, Celes:  you're dismissed."  The Bajoran nodded and turned to go.  Kathryn continued:  "Harry, are Voyager's transporters still operational?"

“Yes, ma’am:  they are.”

“Alright:  we’re having a slight change of plans,” she leaned forward:  “Neelix, while B’Elanna and Seven disable the shield, you will lead the crew out of camp and towards the mines.  Voyager will come here and beam the crew aboard.  Inform the crew tonight and make sure that everyone is ready to go.”

“Understood, Captain,” Neelix nodded.

"We'll prepare for departure at 2200 hours.  B'Elanna, Seven:  you will need to be in position by 2130.  Take whatever personnel you need, but as few as you can get away with."

"Understood," B'Elanna answered.

"Yes, Captain," Seven replied.

"Tuvok and Chakotay will be able to provide cover for Tom and Harry as they prepare the shuttle for takeoff," she turned to the Lieutenant and Ensign:  "Once our team has disabled the guards, I want you to get inside and begin powering up the shuttles."  The two men nodded their acknowledgement:

"Okay."

"Yes, Ma’am."  Chakotay, on the other hand, was shocked:

"Our team?" he blurted out.  She couldn’t possibly think...  But she did.  He could see it in her eyes.

"Yes,” she stated firmly.  “I will be in your group."

"Captain, are you sure that is wise?" Seven asked.

"I sincerely doubt that the guards are going to shoot me, Seven," her voice left no room for argument.  “Your only concern is disabling the shield and making the rendezvous so that we can take off, understood?”

The younger woman solemnly nodded her understanding.  Kathryn stood, leaning over the table:  “I do not want unnecessary attention drawn to ourselves, so please discuss this with only the necessary personnel.  We only have one try at this.”  She paused, scanning each crewmember’s face, judging each reaction.  “I know that all of you can do this, we will get off this planet.”  Another pause:  “Dismissed.”

Chakotay didn’t stand as the rest of the crew left.  Kathryn watched them, totally at ease with the situation.  She seemed impervious to his concern.

“We need to talk,” she softly stated before he even had a chance to say a word.  She sat down beside him:  “about us.”

“You want to define perameters,” he supplied.

“Yes,” she answered.  “Hopefully once and for all.”  She paused:  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Chakotay, and I’ve made my decision.”

“And?”  There was a long pause.  Kathryn turned to face him:

“Yes,” her voice was soft and gentle.  Chakotay blinked, and turned to face her:

“What? he asked, stunned.  She laughed for just a moment, then stopped to answer him:

“Our answer is yes.”

“But I thought that you said that you wouldn’t...” he struggled to find words.  She looked down at her clasped hands, then back to him.  “After what you said, all I dared hope for was…” he drifted off.  “I was expecting a compromise.”  Her smile faded away:

“Chakotay, I thought you knew me better than that...” she laid a hand on his shoulder, as if to comfort him.  Her eyes followed that hand as it slid up his shoulder, around the back of his neck.  Her gaze fell upon his lips for a moment, and then her eyes lifted to meet his.  He was suddenly very aware of her presence and she leaned closer, her lips only centimeters from his, moments away from a kiss...  “I never compromise.”
 
 
 

“Where’s Tuvok?”  The shorter man pointed towards the bathroom door, and Chakotay was instantly dashing across the room:  “Tuvok!” he yelled, beating on the door.  “I need to talk to you!”  The door opened excruciatingly slowly.

“Yes, Commander?” Tuvok asked calmly.  Chakotay turned to Neelix:

“Could you give us a minute?” he asked.  Neelix’s eyebrows rose:

“Of course, Commander,” he mumbled.  Chakotay watched him leave, passing by a beaming Kathryn and a confused Tom and B’Elanna on the way out.

“What’s this about?” Tom asked.  Chakotay turned back to Tuvok, whose eyes were on Kathryn:

“I would be honored, Captain,” he noted.  Chakotay smiled:  he should have known that the Vulcan would understand.

“What?” B’Elanna asked.

“Perhaps we should move outside,” Tuvok suggested.  Chakotay and Kathryn exchanged a knowing look:  the tree.  Yes, that was the only place.

“Come on,” he grabbed Kathryn’s hand.
 
 
 

Naomi pulled on her skirt, and Mezoti held up a freshly picked bunch of flowers.  That was when she noticed the crowd that was growing.  Neelix was beaming at the front.  Seven was just arriving, her hair falling in tendrils around her face, as if she had been performing an exerting task.  Chakotay took her hand, and Kathryn turned to face him again.

“Honored family,” Tuvok began.  “We are gathered here for the joining of Chakotay, son of Kolopeck, and Kathryn, daughter of Edward.”  Kathryn lifted her eyes, and they met Chakotay’s.  “They have proved themselves worthy of such a bonding, and join today, never to be separated again.”

She recognized the traditional Vulcan joining ceremony, and had to blink back tears.  Chakotay’s hands claimed her own, and Tuvok continued:  “Do you, Chakotay, take this woman as your aduna, to love and protect from this day forward,” she noticed his addition.  She loved Chakotay so much; her heart felt as if it were about to burst.  “...in hardship or abundance, until the day your katra departs?”

“This I vow,” Chakotay replied.

“Do you, Kathryn, take this man as your adun, to love and protect from this day forward, in hardship or abundance, until the day your katra departs?”

“I do,” she answered resolutely.

“Hearing this, and knowing your katras to be true, I bond Chakotay and Kathryn with the power vested in me by the Kolinahr Assembly and Starfleet Command and hereby pronounce you t'hy'la forever.  May you will be blessed with many children and a bond that no man can break.”  Tuvok paused:  “You may now kiss the bride.”
 
 
 

He was smiling so big that he was sure that his face was going to crack:  he had never smiled so hard in his life.  Oddly enough, he felt embarrassed, like a boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar.  B’Elanna was sobbing behind Kathryn, a smile behind her hands, and Tom almost made him go deaf when he put his fingers in his mouth and whistled.

Chakotay turned back to Kathryn, still grinning.  He knew that he probably looked like a fool, but he didn't care.  He had never been so happy.  Kathryn giggled, which struck him as very un-captain-like.  Her hands slid back around him, and he leaned down to kiss her again.  This time, they met halfway.  The crew cheered louder.
 
 
 

They lowered Kathryn to the ground and she turned to give B’Elanna a hug, then Tom and Harry.  Seven was stiff as she hugged her, Neelix, flamboyant.  And then she reached Tuvok. She could feel the tears beginning to form in her eyes again.  She was surprised that there were any left, she had cried so much that day.  Chakotay offered a hand:

“Thank you, Tuvok.”  They shook:

“The honor is all mine, Commander.”  Chakotay stepped aside, and Kathryn stepped forward to hug her friend.

“Thank you,“ she whispered.  She pulled away:  “Good night, Tuvok.”

“Sleep well, Captain.”  Her half smile suddenly appeared, slowly growing into something more:

“Oh, I don’t plan on getting that much sleep tonight,” she noted coyly, her voice lowered.  She turned to face Chakotay, who was now speaking to Seven:  “At least not for a while.”  Tuvok lifted an eyebrow:

“I suggest that you conserve your strength, Captain.”  She laughed:

“I’ll consider your recommendation, Tuvok.”  Chakotay turned and moved to her side:

“Don’t worry, Tuvok,” he put in.  “I’ll keep her in line.”  He turned to face Kathryn: "Ready?" She kissed him, and he picked her up as if she didn’t weigh a pound more than the last time he had done so.  Chakotay carried her over the threshold, then closed the door behind them.
 
 
 

“Kathryn...” she turned out the light and pulled him toward the large bed... rather, the two beds that Seven had pushed together.  Their lips never parted for more than an instant.  Chakotay pulled away:  “Kathryn…”

“What, Chakotay?” she asked, her hands moving around his waist.

“Tonight?” he managed to get out before her lips claimed his again.  She pulled away:

“Yes,” she whispered.  He grabbed her wrists before her hands could reach his fly.  Her eyes lifted to meet his:  “Chakotay?”

“Tonight?” he repeated.

“You don’t want to?”

“That’s not the issue.”

“I think it is.”  He didn’t answer; she pulled away from him, turned away.  “Is it my body?”

“What?”

“Do you find me unattractive?”

“No!” he turned her to face him.  “No,” he said softly:  “You’re beautiful, Kathryn,” he wiped away her tears.  “If anything, the changes in your body only make me want you more...”

“Then why, Chakotay?”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Kathryn.”

“Chakotay... the only thing that you could do to hurt me is refuse to make love to me, especially now.”

“Kathryn, with the baby...” he paused.  “I just thought that you would want to wait." Kathryn slid her hands around the back of his neck:

“Have I done anything to make you think that I would want to wait?” she asked.

“No,” he admitted.  “If anything, I’d say that you’ve had a hard time keeping your hands off me.”

“I’d say that’s an understatement,” she replied.  “I’ve been waiting six years for this, Chakotay, and I have no intention of waiting six more weeks.”

“So, you’re saying that you want me?”

“No,” she replied.  “I’m saying that I desperately need you.”  He lifted a hand to caress her cheek, and leaned down to kiss her. Not with the urgency that they had felt before, but with reverence.  This was going to be a night to remember.
 
 
 

A teardrop ran down her cheek, dropping onto his chest.  “Hey,” he lifted her chin so that he could see her face in the moonlight:  “What’s wrong?”

“I...” she was at a loss for words:  “I had forgotten...” she couldn’t finish it.

“It was incredible,” he said for her.  She nodded, slowly moving her hand across his chest, savoring the feeling it sent through her fingertips.

“It’s never been that strong for me before,” she whispered.  “The connection...”

“Made you feel like we were one?” he asked.

“Yes.”  She buried her head into his shoulder, memorizing the strength and contour of his muscles. “Don’t ever leave me,” she implored.

He pulled his arm around her tighter, and gently caressed her, slowly moving his hand up and down her upper arm, almost like he had on New Earth during the storm, yet differently.  This felt gentler:  it comforted and reassured her, as if he were saying the he would never leave her and would always protect her.  Somehow she knew that she would never have to be afraid again.
 
 
 

He could feel the baby move within Kathryn, and she stirred in her sleep.  His right arm was asleep under her, but he could have cared less:  he didn’t want to let her leave his arms.  Maybe he was afraid that this wasn’t real, that if he let her go he would wake up and realize that it was all a dream.

“What’s wrong?” she asked groggily, rubbing his chest like she had earlier.

“What makes you think that something’s wrong?” he asked gently.

“I know you, Chakotay,” she answered matter of factly.  “I don’t even have to see or touch you to know when something’s bothering you anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“That I woke you up,” he answered.

“It’s too late now,” she eased away from him so she could roll further off her back and lie next to him:  “Besides, it wasn’t only you and you’re avoiding the question:  spill it.”  He hesitated:

“I’m worried about tomorrow night,” he admitted.  Her eyebrows rose:  “About your being so close to the fighting.”  She closed her eyes:

“I asked for it,” she admitted.  She opened them again, spoke with her Captain’s voice:  “I’m listening, Commander.”

“You have no business being in the line of fire,” he stated quietly, firmly.  “You know as well as I do that you should be with Neelix’s team.”

“And why is that?” she asked, drawing invisible circles on his chest.  He lifted a hand to stop hers (she was distracting him) and cover her hand with his own.:

“You’re in no condition…”  Her eyes were immedietely locked with his own, cutting him off.

“I am not an invalid, Chakotay,” she stated softly yet firmly.  “I may be carrying your son, but that does not change the fact that I have an obligation to my crew.”

She paused for only a nanosecond, plunging in again before he could even hope to get a word in: “I need to be on this mission, now more than ever.  You know as well as I do that I am going to be in danger no matter where I am, and I would rather be useful than wondering how things are going, wondering whether or not the teams made it.”

She paused:  “I can’t stop being the Captain just because I’m about to have a child:  if any of you were to be captured, I would want to be there so that I could plead for your lives, even if it meant giving my own...”

“Even the life of our child?” he asked.  She sat up, moving out of embrace.  He knew that her emotions were playing across her whole face:  even he wasn’t allowed to always see that yet.

“Yes,” she finally stated, softly yet forcefully:  “even his.  No matter how much that would pain me, I cannot not sacrifice his life at the expense of the rest of my family.”  He sat up, gently laying a hand on her shoulder:

“What if you’re captured?”  She turned to face him, her eyes meeting his:

“Then I want to know the two best friends I have in the universe are going to be there to rescue me,” she whispered.  “I know that there are dangers, Chakotay, but I don’t really care:  I’m going to go out there, and I’m going to fight, and no one is going to stop me.  Do you understand?”

They sat there for a few moments, Kathryn’s eyes searching his face, desperately longing for some reassurance, Chakotay contemplating her words.  He hadn’t realized that she would feel so strongly about this, he hadn’t realized until now how strongly he had felt about this.  This scared him to death, but he knew that she was right:

“Yes, Captain,” he replied.  “I understand.”  She threw her arms around him, and he held her for a long moment.  For the first time all night, she didn’t cry; she just pulled away and gave him a curt nod.  “Come to bed,” he implored, lying back down.  She complied, lying on her right side, her back to him.  He matched her position, spooning himself around her, holding her tightly yet cautiously, as if she would break were he to hold her too tightly.

She didn’t resist his closeness, but didn’t melt into him, either.  It wasn’t Kathryn that he was holding, but the Captain, and even though she didn’t accept his support entirely willingly, he hoped that she would someday allow him to help bear the load that the Captain had to carry.  All he could do now was take this at her own pace and try to help her as much as he could.

He knew that sleep would not come easily for her tonight.  He wondered how many sleepless nights they would spend together like this, and despite the fact that so much danger was ahead of them, knew that he was glad that he would be there with the woman he loved.  They had their entire lives to figure it out.
 
 
 
On to Day 9