by K.N. Senko

Disclaimer:  Paramount and Viacom own Star Trek (oh the pain, the pain):  they would never inflict this kind of pain on Captain Janeway and her crew.
 
 
 
Back to Day 3
 
 
 
Day Four

It was going to be a beautiful morning, but Chakotay was too distracted to really notice.  He had been assigned to go to the mines that day, but he didn't mind at all.  He didn't really care about anything at the moment:  except for getting his mind off the one thing that was making it ache.  But it was becoming more and more evident that doing that was going to be impossible.  He wasn't going to be able to function at all until this was resolved.

Oh, he said "Excuse me," and "Good morning," to every crewmember he passed by or bumped into.  He filled his plate.  His eyes searched the room for a place to sit, and suddenly, his eyes found her.

With a new jump in his step, Chakotay traveled to his destination.  She didn't look up as he drew closer:  only B'Elanna and Seven acknowledged his approach:

"May I sit here?"

"Of course, Chakotay," B'Elanna answered.  "Have a seat."  He set down his tray and started to sit down, but before he could, Kathryn had already taken hers and was moving to another table.

B'Elanna and Seven exchanged a look of surprise:

"Curious," Seven stated.

"Excuse me," he followed Kathryn.  He didn't ask this time; he just sat down across from her.  "Kathryn..."

She moved her tray down the table and followed it.  He paused for a moment, sighed, and then did the same:

"Won't you even let me talk to you?" he asked.  She picked up her tray and moved to the table behind her.  He still wasn't giving up.  He followed her again:  "Kathryn."

"No, Chakotay," she answered.  "I don't want to talk to you, so please just leave me alone."  He stood as she took her tray headed toward the recycle station.  Chakotay watched her leave the mess hall, silent.

"Follow her, Chakotay," B'Elanna stood behind him.

"She doesn't want me to follow her," he answered.  He picked up his tray.

"That's exactly what she wants, Chakotay," she answered.  "That's what every woman wants."

"I'll see you later."  Chakotay recycled his tray and left.
 
 
 

She felt strange.  Not really faint, though tired.  That wasn't surprising:  she hadn't slept much the night before.  And as she subconsciously ran her hand across her stomach, she almost thought she felt something flutter within her.  But when she felt for it again, it was gone.

Kathryn allowed herself to sink to the grass, and lay down, staring up at the tree's branches and the sky that peeped through them.  She felt so tired.
 
 
 

Kathryn rolled back over and propped herself up on her elbows:

"What is it?" she tried to focus on B'Elanna's face, still only half awake:

"I thought you might want to come to sickbay with me," Torres answered.  "There are sixteen more crewmembers there."  Kathryn pushed herself off the damp ground, brushing off her clothing:

"I might as well," she answered.  "Have to be there to raise morale."

"I'll walk with you," B'Elanna fell into step beside her superior officer.  They walked in silence for a minute or two, and then B'Elanna broke it:  "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"About Chakotay."

"Why, is something wrong?"

"You tell me."  Kathryn paused, but then walked on without replying.  B'Elanna continued:  "Sometimes, he is nothing more than a fool."

"I suppose."

"Captain, whatever he did to hurt you, I know that he didn't mean it."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because he loves you.  He loves you so much that it hurts, and it hurts so much that he doesn't know how to cope with it."  Kathryn didn't answer.  A female crewman suddenly ran by:  "Hey, what's your hurry?" B'Elanna asked her.

"There was an accident at the mine," she answered.  "I heard that the Commander and Ensign Kim got hurt."
 
 
 

"What do you think you're doing?" the doctor, Talitha?, stepped up to him.

"What happened?"

"You saved the life of one of your crewmembers," she answered.  "Pulled him out right before the shaft caved in entirely.  You're very fortunate that you only got hit in the head and were able to pull him out before you lost consciousness."

"How is Harry?"

"The young man is fine.  He had a broken arm, some bruises, but he will recover in a short amount of time."

The doors that led to the corridor opened, allowing Kathryn and B'Elanna to enter the room.

"B'Elanna:  Captain," Chakotay greeted hesitantly.  Kathryn took one look at him, and then nearly threw herself into his arms, knocking the air out of him.  The doctor left the room silently, while B'Elanna managed to stammer something about checking to see how Harry was doing.  The doors closed behind her.

"I'm alright, Kathryn."  She lifted her head from Chakotay's chest and tried to wipe away the tears that were still streaming down her cheeks:

"I don't know what came over me, Chakotay," she sniffed.  "I couldn't stop thinking about..."  She started sobbing again.  Chakotay took her into his arms:

"Shhh..." he stroked her hair.  "I'm fine, Harry's fine, everything's going to be fine."  She pulled away gently, turning away from him, staring out the window.

"I'm sorry."  He stood and came to her side:

"No, I'm sorry," he answered.  "I shouldn't have done what I did last night."

"Oh, the kiss was great, it was everything else that was awful."  She looked up to him:  "I just want this so very badly right now."

"Are you sure?  You aren't going to change your mind once we're back aboard Voyager, are you?"

"No, I won't change my mind.  I need this, Chakotay.  I don't know why, but right now more than ever."  She shook her head:  "Look at me, I can't stop crying; I don't know what's wrong with me."  Chakotay smiled and took her into his arms again.
 
 
 

Kathryn didn't feel right:  she was a bit dizzy, but that wasn't it.  She just didn't feel like herself.  First she had thrown herself at Chakotay.  Then she had turn and ran away from him, only to throw herself at him again, in front of the significant other of the crew's biggest gossip, no less.  She was sure that Tom was already having a hey day with this one.  Kathryn doubted that she had ever been more embarrassed in her life.

Something within Kathryn moved.  Kathryn stopped in her tracks.  It had been different than her body's complaints about hunger.  Kathryn's hand rose to rest on her stomach.

"Kathryn?"  Chakotay had stopped a few steps ahead of her:  "are you alright?"  He moved back to her side.

"I'm fine, Chakotay," she answered.  "I just need to speak with the doctor.  You go ahead:  I'll see you later."  He took a step closer to her:

"Are you sure?"  She nodded:

"Yes, I'll only be a few minutes."  Chakotay leaned down and kissed her on the cheek:

"I'll see you soon."
 
 
 

"Captain."

"I told you I wouldn't be long," she greeted as she picked up her fork, obviously in a better mood than she had been a few minutes earlier.  She took a bite.

"I told the senior staff that we wouldn't be meeting tonight."

"Thank you."  They both continued eating in silence:

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"  Kathryn's gaze returned to her plate.  "Is it about what you needed to talk to the doctor about?"

"In a way," she answered.  Her eyes met his own:  "I'm not quite sure how to tell you, Chakotay."

"Tell me what?"  She picked at her food a few moments, and then put down her fork.  She stood up and walked around the table, straddling the bench to sit on his right side, tentatively placing her left hand on his shoulder, leaning closer so she could see his face yet he would be the only one to hear her:

"I'm pregnant," she stated softly.

"You're what?" he pulled away.  Apparently, he had spoken a bit loudly, because several crewmembers turned to stare.  Chakotay slid his tray down the table a ways and followed it, leaving Kathryn behind.

He sat down, then noticed an ensign farther down the table, staring at him with his mouth open.

"What are you looking at?" Chakotay demanded.  The ensign closed his mouth:

"Nothing sir," he stood and picked up his tray:  "excuse me."

"Aren't you going to ask who the father is?"

Chakotay suddenly realized that Kathryn had followed him.  She was sitting next to him again, this time seated facing the direction opposite his own.  They weren't touching, but her presence was still making him feel uncomfortable:

"No, I'm not."  She looked back to him:

"Don't you want to talk about it at all?"

"No."

"Lower your voice, you're making the crew stare."

"I don't care," he answered at the same volume.  "They're going to be staring before too long, why not get used to it," he muttered under his breath.  He hadn't meant for Kathryn to hear, but apparently she had:

"I don't care about that, Chakotay:  not when I'm carrying y..."

"That's a first," he didn't let her finish.  Kathryn turned away, allowing them both to fall silent again.  Finally, she broke it: "The doctor asked me to come see her tomorrow," she looked back to him:  "I would appreciate it if you were there."

"I'm busy."  She turned away, nodded.  Kathryn stood:

"I'm sorry, Chakotay.  I never meant to hurt you."  She walked away, taking her tray to another table.  Chakotay watched her go.

"Too late."
 
 
 
On to Day 5