I don't know what i should be. I long to be an astronaut, an actress, a writer, a singer. I long to be only a mother, to never have to work, to raise my children as i was, hometaught and homegrown.  It feels as if i am forever waiting for my life to begin, to finally become an adult, to be able to escape from my past.

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My favorite movie becomes Gattaca, because it seems like everyone and everything in my life tells me that i am a failure, inferior, foolish dreamer. I am always isolated, an outsider, no matter how hard i try.  Vincent refuses to listen to Valid society telling him that he (Invalid invalid) cannot reach his dreams. He doesn't save anything for the swim back.